My Mothers Son
by SunnyInOregon
Summary: The life of Josh, as told by Josh. Part 2 of A Life Story. You do not have to read that to understand this part.
1. Chapter 1

A Life Story: My Mother's Son Part 1  
>By Sunny<br>Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just playing with them.  
>Spoilers: Probably none but let's say everything to be safe.<br>Pairings: Josh/OFC, Toby/Donna, Sam/CJ  
>Summary: The life of Josh, as told by Josh<p>

I remember many years ago when I was a small boy, overhearing my  
>father talking to his friends. I remember because they happened to be<br>talking about me. "He is his mother's son," my father said. At the  
>time I was very upset, when he said this for I thought, `I'm your son<br>too.' But as I stand here today I know the truth, I am my Mother's  
>son.<p>

~February 2002~  
>~The White House~<p>

My father had always told me that women were the easiest creatures in the world. I always thought he meant they were easy to know, to date, to love. Obviously, I was wrong, or he was.

I had never been any good at relationships. I told this to Amy but she didn't believe me. I told her that when I was in school and everyone around me was learning about girls and how to deal with them I was too busy trying to keep my grades up. I like to boast that I  
>have a really high IQ, which I do, but I had to work at it. Anyway, my assistant Donna Moss told me that I had to learn to develop a relationship with a woman. I had to stop bumping into them and hope that they would break up with me soon. As I looked around me, I realized that she was right. But I needed help, so I went to the most educated man I know in dealing with relationships.<p>

"I need your help," I say as I stand nervously in the doorway.

"With what," Toby asks without looking up from the draft he is working on.

"Valentines day," I reply.

Toby peers at me over the top of his glasses. "It's that time of year already?"

"Yeah," I say as I walk into the room. "I want to get to Amy something special."

"How about flowers," Toby suggests.

"Too easy," I brush off.

"Candy?"

"Too obvious."

"Cause you're a straight shooter," Toby smirks.

"Yeah," I agree. "Any other ideas?"

"Nope. Those always worked for me," Toby says as he goes back to work.

"That is so old school," I tease.

Toby looks back up. "It still works."

"I bet you it doesn't," I reply.

So maybe I'm not as smart as I thought. I lost a hundred dollars and my girlfriend meanwhile Toby ended up with my money and a wife, namely my aforementioned assistant. At least he let her keep working for me between all the maternity leaves. I couldn't understand how my way never worked. I mean I am an intelligent good-looking man; women should be falling at my feet begging me to marry them. Shouldn't they? Instead I have spent an unreasonable amount of my adult life going from one dead end relationship to another with no end in sight. Was it my pre-ordained destiny to remain single? I really hope not, cause I would kinda like to try the marriage thing.

See the thing I don't understand about this is my parents were happily married for nearly forty years. They lost a daughter and raised a son and through it all managed to keep a good perspective of life and marriage. Why none of this rubbed off on me I'll never know. My sister Joanie died when I was very young. I remember bits and pieces of what happened but it's not something I care to discuss, with anyone. I loved Joanie very much and I still do. Maybe that's why I can't let myself go enough to fall in love with someone. Maybe I'm too afraid of getting hurt again. Maybe I'm just retarded. Not in the head, in the heart.

I do remember a time when I thought that my parents weren't going to stay together. They shielded me a lot from the troubles that they had but they couldn't shield everything. I would catch sections of whispered conversations or see the frustration in my Mother's face as she watched my Father walk away. Sometimes she would cry and I would  
>think to myself, `she should be stronger, like Dad.' In the end it seemed that Mom was the one who would compromise. She always backed down and let Dad be the victor, that was the way it should be, or so I thought.<p>

"What are you doing," Sam asks as he peers through the doorway.

"Nothing," I reply.

"Were you on the phone," he asks cautiously as he enters my office.

"No," I smile.

"Then who were you talking to," he says peering at me suspiciously.

"Talking? I wasn't talking."

"Ok," he smiles unconvinced. "How did your weekend go with Amy?"

I moan and lay my head on my desk. "If you ever ask Toby for advice about women, do whatever he tells you."

"That bad," he says sympathetically.

"Lets just say that Amy is never going to change her name for me," I say as I lift up my head and smile weakly.

"I'm sorry. I hear that Toby and Donna had a good time," he says trying to cheer me up.

"Yeah," I agree sarcastically. "That's just what I need a gloating Toby and a perky Donna."

"Donna is always perky," Sam points out.

"Oh yeah. Especially after she gets laid. And I really don't want to hear about her getting laid by Toby Ziegler."

"Toby laid Donna," he asks with interest.

"Not yet that I'm aware of," I clarify. "But I can tell it's not far off."

"I have to go talk to Toby," he says as he turns and starts for the door.

Sam's a great guy. He's been my friend for many years and just like me he has never been married. But unlike me, he was engaged. That's one step closer to marriage. Though I am glad that he never went through with it. His fiancée, Lisa, was too self-absorbed. Everything was about her and her incessant need to be a part of the `right' crowd. She never liked me; I was the skeleton in the closet that should be kept hidden, the dark influence that led Sam to do evil things, like work for the President of the United States. Yeah, that's a bad thing.

~July 2002~

"Do you think that I'll ever see this day," I ask.

"What the hell does that mean," Donna yells from the bathroom. "Today is here."

"I mean my own wedding day," I try to explain. She comes out of the bathroom looking more beautiful than I have ever seen her and I feel a twinge of jealousy.

Looking at me seriously, she says, "It will happen when you least expect it."

"Did you expect this," I ask.

"Me marrying Toby?"

I nod at her.

"Honestly, up until a few months ago I was convinced that I would be marrying you," she says softly.

"Really," I say surprised.

"Really," she smiles as she lays her hand on my arm.

"I could never be the man that Toby is," I say soberly.

"I hope the hell not," she replies quickly. "One grouchy Communications Director is enough."

"Speaking of which, I suppose I should escort you downstairs," I smile. "Prince Charming awaits."

She laughs and takes my arm as I lead her out of the room and down the hall. I am extremely honored that she asked me to be the one to give her away. There is a lot of history between her and I and Toby, for without either one of them I would probably not be here. Toby Ziegler found me on that fateful day in Roslyn. I had been shot and was in no shape to call for help. For some reason, unknown to either of us, he searched for me even though everyone thought I had left.

After the surgery and a longer than necessary stay in the hospital I was sent home where Donna oversaw my recovery. She was very diligent in taking care of me, ensuring that I took my medication, slept enough, ate enough and didn't get worked up. Hell, she even managed to keep Toby in line, I should have known then that she was the woman for him but my relationship handicap goes far beyond my own relationships. I can't figure out other peoples either.

~December 2002~

Even though I'm Jewish I really like Christmas. Well, not really Christmas, I like the decorations namely the tree. The smell of the pine and the way the lights reflect off of the varying decorations are a delight to the senses. I'm standing in the main entryway checking out the 20-foot tall blue spruce when I see the most beautiful woman in my life. She looks at me and smiles and I smile back at her.

"Do you work here," she asks.

I nod at her stupidly with a grin still plastered to my face.

"Could you tell me how to get to the Oval office," she asks.

"That depends," I say. She raises an eyebrow at me enquiringly. "Are you a terrorist?"

She laughs at this and shakes her head.

"Well then, do you have some ID that says you can go into the White House alone?"

She reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a badge. Taking a closer look I see that she is with the Secret Service. "Are you going to be protecting the President?"

"That depends," she replies. "Are you a terrorist?"

"No. I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff," I tell her with a laugh.

"Then you must be Josh Lyman," she states as she holds out her hand.

"You have me at a disadvantage," I say as I shake her hand.

"I'm Lauren Randall," she says.

"It's nice to meet you. Come on, I'll take you to the Oval office."

She follows me down the hall and I give her a running dialogue as we walk. She asks me questions and I try my best to answer her hoping that I'm making a good impression.

"Well here we are," I say as we enter the outer office. "Hey Charlie. This is Agent Randall."

"Hi," Charlie says as he stands up. "I'll let the President know you're here."

Charlie disappears in the Oval office leaving us alone again.

"So…do you have a boyfriend," I ask.

"Do you have a girlfriend," she counters.

"I do if you don't," I smile.

"Agent Randall," Charlie says from the door. "The President will see you now."

She starts to walk away from me and I watch her every move. Suddenly she stops and turns around.

"I'm available," she says quietly. "I'll come find you when I'm done here."

"Ok," I reply with a small case of shock. Charlie gives me a look that I interpret as `way to go!' before closing the door and hindering my view of her. My smile becomes gigantic as I turn to find my way to my own office where I can wait for her in peace and quiet.

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm taking, like my seven millionth phone call when she walks into my office. What I had hoped would be peace and quiet turned into the office from hell. It seemed that every person in the United States was calling and they all wanted to talk to me. Frustrated, I hang up the phone on whomever it was that I wasn't paying attention to in the first place, and turn my attention to her.

"I can come back later," she offers.

"No. Now is a good time," I tell her.

Donna breezes in through my open door and thrusts a pile of papers under my nose. "Here are some more phone messages, your copy of the education bill that Leo wants you to memorize by this afternoon, and your mail. There's a letter from your Mother that you should read right away," she tells me.

"I'll read it later," I say to her back as she steps out of my office.

"Read it now," she yells.

"Donna," I scream in what I hope is a commanding voice and not like a wimpy school kid. She peers back in the room. "I have a guest. Close the door."

Donna peers at me blankly then looks at Lauren. She looks back at me, and smiles. "Don't blow it," she says as she pulls the door shut.

"She's pretty," Lauren points out. "How come you don't date her?"

"Well, for one she's my assistant," I explain. "And secondly, she's married to a guy who would rather beat me up then give me the time of day. Actually, she's married to Toby Ziegler our Communications Director and even though he tells people he doesn't like me, he really does. I mean he does things for me that he won't do for anyone else. Of course that might be because of Donna. However…"

"Do you ramble like this all of the time," she cuts in.

I swallow hard. "Only when I'm nervous."

"Do I make you nervous," she questions.

"I'm not sure if it's you or my imagination," I smile.

She laughs out loud. It's not one of those polite chuckles either, it's a full-blown laugh and it makes me feel like I'm the funniest man on Earth. Suddenly, I'm not so nervous anymore.

"Would you like to have dinner with me," I ask as she settles down.

"I'd love to," she replies. "Tonight?"

"Seven o'clock," I counter.

"Sounds good," she says as she grabs a notepad and a pen from my desk. She scribbles something on the paper then sets it on my desk. "Here's where I'm staying. I'll see you at seven."

"I'll be there," I promise. She smiles and walks over to the door.

"I'm definitely looking forward to this," she says and then she walks out the door.

I pick up the notepad and memorize the words. Her handwriting is loopy and girlish which makes me smile. It's nice to know that some secret service agents have a soft side too.

"Who was that," Donna asks as she walks into my office.

"Lauren Randall," I reply. "She's with the secret service."

"What did you do this time," she asks sounding like my mother rather than my assistant.

"I asked her out to dinner."

"Really?" Donna says sounding surprised. "You asked a woman out to dinner without moaning and whining for weeks on end?"

"Don't you have a husband you could torture?" I ask.

"I do," she replies. "But he's at the doctors."

"Is something wrong," I ask concerned.

"Well…no," she blushes.

"Donna?"

"Promise me you won't say anything to anyone," she says.

"I promise," I say.

"Swear to me on your father's grave."

"Now you're scaring me," I tell her.

"Swear to it," she repeats.

"I swear on my fathers grave that I won't say anything to anyone," I promise. "I won't even talk to Toby."

"He's having a sperm count done," she whispers.

"Excuse me," I say in shock.

"We're trying to find out why I can't get pregnant or stay pregnant," she explains.

"What does a sperm count have to do with it," I ask in confusion.

"You have to have at least twenty million sperm in order to make a baby."

"Twenty million? I thought it only took one," I replied.

"Well, that's true," she agrees. "Only one sperm can fertilize an egg but you guys have to make twenty million of them at a time."

"No wonder we're so tired after sex," I tell her. "You women make us do all of the work."

"Do you know why it takes twenty million sperm," she asks irritated. I shake my head. "It takes that many sperm to find the egg, cause none of them will stop and ask directions. Just like a man!"

"Are you mad at me," I ask.

"What do you think?"

"I think you should have gone with Toby."

"I wanted to but he wouldn't let me," she pouted. "He muttered something about being a big boy and not needing me to hold his hand."

"Maybe you could have held something else," I tease.

"That's it," she says. "I'm going out to my desk."

"I'm sorry," I yell at her back.

"Forgiven," she yells back. I smile to myself and study the notepad again before looking at the clock. The day is going to crawl by.

At 6:30 I'm so wound up I can hardly stand myself. Donna is so sick of listening to me talk about my plans for the evening that she deserted me in favor of bugging Toby. Not that I minded too much, because I love to watch her work him. Somehow she has found the buttons that makes him work. She can tease him until he turns bright red and drags her off to his office or she can talk him into doing things he really doesn't like to do, like help me.

He hates it when I ask for advice, because he just hates giving advice to people. Or maybe he just hates people. I think he just hates giving advice. Anyway, this time I'm going to follow his advice. I'm going to stop and buy some flowers before I pick Lauren up for our date. And tomorrow I'm going to be waiting in Toby's office to find out what to do next. Yeah, this is going to work this time.

~the hotel~

I'm standing in the hallway outside her door and feeling like the biggest geek in the world. As I came in every head in the room turned to watch me carrying this bouquet of flowers. Geekdom does not suit me. As I'm waiting for her to open the door a couple of teenage girls pass by and giggle. I'm squirming now and looking for the nearest exit when she opens the door.

"Hi," she says.

"Hi," I whisper back. She's wearing an emerald green dress that is cut way low in the front, exposing the tops of her breasts and the delicate skin of her neck. I can't stop staring. Hell, I can't breathe.

"Are those for me," she asks nodding towards the flowers. I smile and thrust them towards her. "Come on in."

She takes the flowers and walks back into the room and that's when I see that most of her back is exposed as well. `I am in so much trouble,' I think.

"These are beautiful," she gushes. She puts the flowers in a vase that she got from who knows where, and sets them on the dresser.

"I was hoping that you would like them," I stammer.

"I love them," she smiles.

Ok. Geekdom is ok. Geekdom is good.

"Shall we go," I squeak, thinking that the room just got twenty degrees hotter.

"Ok," she says as she gathers her stuff and we head out the door.

~Toby's office~  
>~the next morning~<p>

"Where the hell have you been," I yell as Toby appears in the doorway of his office. He stops and looks at me then turns around to look in the bullpen before turning back to me.

"At home," he speculates.

"You're late," I accuse.

"Josh," he says tiredly as he sets his stuff down. "It's ten minutes to seven. I'm actually early. Why are you in my office? I figured you would be dragging your sorry butt in here at least thirty minutes late as Donna said you had a date last night."

"I did have a date last night," I smile. "It was the most wonderful time of my life."

"I'm happy for you," he grunts. "Now get the hell out of my office."

"I need your help," I tell him as he sits down and logs on to his computer.

"With what," he asks distractedly.

"Well," I begin. "I went out with Lauren last night…"

"Lauren is the new girl," he interrupts.

"Yeah," I reply. "I bought her flowers like you suggested before but I didn't listen cause I knew I would feel like a geek, which I did by the way, but Lauren liked them so much that I didn't mind feeling like a geek and then we went to dinner and out dancing and she was wearing this dress that exposed most of the upper half of her body and when we were dancing it was driving me crazy so we called it a night early and I took her back to the hotel then she let me kiss her good night and now I'm here to find out what I should next."

"How about breathe," he suggests.

"I am breathing now," I say solemnly. "What should I do about Lauren?"

"What do you want to do," he asks.

"I want to see her again," I tell him. "I want to sweep her off her feet like you did to Donna."

"Call her," he says.

"And say what," I ask.

"Do I have to map out the conversation?"

"It would help," I nod.

"Tell her you had a great time last night. Tell her you thought about her all night and that she was the most beautiful woman you ever saw."

"Ok," I agree. "Then I should ask her out again?"

"No," he says shortly. He stands up and heads for the door, so I follow him as quickly as I can.

"No," I repeat. "But I want to see her again."

He stops abruptly and turns around and run right into him, which makes him push me away. "Send her a gift with a note that says you want to see her again."

"More flowers?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Something special and or unique."

"Like what," I ask totally confused.

"Like a cookbook," he suggests. "Highlight a few recipes that look good to you, add a note that says; "Would you like to try these with me?" and add your phone number."

"That's stupid," I laugh.

He looks at me sternly. "You can follow my advice or you can stop asking for it. I'm not offering it freely."

"I'll think about it," I tell him.

"Fine," he says. "Lets get to staff."

That afternoon I spent three hours in a book store looking for recipes that were enticing but easy enough for me to understand. I can handle the basics of cooking, like hot dogs and macaroni and cheese but some of these things were beyond my imagination. I sent  
>the book by courier to her hotel room then sat by the phone and anxiously awaited her call. Luckily for me, I didn't have to wait too long. She was thrilled by the book and the note and wanted to see me again that evening. I was thrilled too. Not that I was going to tell her that, at least not until the next day.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

My Mothers Son Part 2  
>By Sunny<br>Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just playing with them.  
>Spoilers: Probably none but we'll say everything just in case.<br>Pairings: Josh/OFC, Toby/Donna, Sam/CJ  
>Summary: The life of Josh as told by Josh.<p>

~December 2002~  
>~Josh's apartment~<p>

"Are you always this messy when you cook," Lauren laughed as I dropped the third egg in a row on the floor.

"Considering that for me, cooking usually consists of re-heating last nights take out, I would say yes," I tell her.

She leans against the counter and shakes her head. "At least I'm not the only one."

"You can't cook," I ask.

"I hate cooking," she says wrinkling her nose.

"Then why are we doing this?"

"Cause you asked me too," she smiles sweetly. " I always dreamed of finding a man who could cook for me."

"Can you do laundry?"

"No. But I can change the oil in your car," she says.

"I usually take mine to the shop but I'm willing to let you do it," I tell her.

"I'll make you a deal," she says.

"What kind of deal," I ask.

"I'll learn how to do laundry if you'll learn how to cook."

"How come I have to learn how to cook," I ask.

"Cause you're smarter than me, so it shouldn't take you as long," she points out.

"You're right," I agree even though I realize she is patronizing me. I thrust out my right hand at her. "Deal."

She puts her hand in mine and shakes it firmly. I feel like I'm agreeing to more than just cooking lessons. I feel like something special is happening. I don't know what it is, but I like it.

~The White House~  
>~February 2003<p>

I pour myself a cup of coffee from the ever-full coffee pot and look around the room. I see Toby Ziegler sitting in a corner hunched over the table so I walk over and join him.

"Hey," I say in greeting.

"Hey," Toby replies barely looking up.

"What are you doing here," I ask. "I thought you were leaving early."

"I am," Toby replies shortly.

"Toby, its 6 pm," I say gently.

"I'm finishing this draft for Sam then I'm leaving," Toby tells me.

"You and Donna are taking a long weekend," I muse.

"Yeah," Toby smiles. "We're going to New Hampshire to celebrate our anniversary."

"Toby. You got married 6 months ago and it wasn't the 15th of July."

"It was one year ago on Valentines Day that we started dating," Toby reminds me.

"I know," I say quietly. "I remember. You're going to New Hampshire? Manchester?"

"Yeah," Toby replies.

"I thought you hated that place," I point out. "Because it was too remote and no one could reach you there."

"Which is exactly why we are going there," Toby smiles. "We're going to try to get pregnant again."

"Jeez," I say shaking my head. "You guys have miscarried twice already. How long are you going to keep trying?"

"Until we get it right," Toby tells me softly. "Donna wants to have a child really bad."

"You could adopt," I suggest.

"We're going to keep trying for now. But adoption is part of a future plan," Toby says as he stands up. "How are things with Sharon, uh Karen?"

"Lauren," I correct. "Her name is Lauren. I thought you would have remembered that by now."

"Josh you have dated too many women for me to take the time to remember their names," Toby points out.

"We've been dating for three months," I say slightly offended.

"That's got to be a record," Toby muses as he starts walking away.

I stand up and quickly follow him. "I think it is," I joke. "I've actually been following your advice and its working."

"Told you," Toby mutters.

"I saw how well it worked on Donna so I thought I would give it a shot," I tell him.

"No longer the straight shooter," Toby asks.

"I'm still a straight shooter," I reply. "Only now I use straight arrows as well. What's going on with Sam and CJ?"

"What do you mean," Toby asks as he begins climbing the stairs.

"I mean they sure are spending a lot of time together," I point out.

"Well, Donna doesn't let me go out much anymore and you're spending all of your time with Lauren so I guess they are spending their time together," Toby says.

"You don't think that's weird," I ask.

"Why would it be weird," Toby frowns.

"She's older than him."

Toby stops and looks at me. "If they're happy that's all that matters. Besides, Sam needs someone who can make him feel special. CJ can do that."

"So what you're saying is you're all for them having a relationship," I continue.

"Yeah. I'm not bothered by it."

"Ok," I breathe. "Don't look cause they're kissing in Sam's office."

Toby looks over at Sam's office and sighs. He walks over and enters without knocking. "Get a room," he teases.

"What are you still doing here," CJ asks her face all flushed.

"I was proofing the speech for Monday," he says as he drops the file on Sam's desk. "I'm leaving now."

"What are you and Donna going to be doing this weekend," Sam asks.

"Don't answer that," I say from the door.

Sam looks at me while CJ stares pointedly at Toby. "We're going to try to make another baby," he says.

"Good for you," CJ smiles.

Sam groans and flops onto a nearby chair. "I'm now scarred for life."

"I told you," I say aloud.

"I should have picked this one time in my life to listen to you," Sam mumbles.

"You guys have fun with the President this weekend," Toby says as he heads for the door. "I'm out of here."

"Good luck," CJ calls after him.

"That's gross," Sam protests.

"I have to agree," I say wrinkling my nose at her.

"You guys need to pull your heads out of the gutter," she tells us.

"That wouldn't be as much fun," Sam smirks. She smiles at him and shakes her head.

"So what's up with you too," I ask not so elegantly.

"What do you mean," CJ questions.

"I mean, what's with all the kissing and hanging all over each other," I say.

"Love is in the air, mi amor," she replies. "It's in the air."

I look over at Sam to see if he can explain this but he is smirking at CJ.

"We're engaged," CJ announces.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Wow," I say stunned. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," CJ smiles.

"Hey we forgot to tell Toby," Sam says as he jumps up from the chair.

"Call the gate," I suggest. "They can hold him there."

"Not a good idea," CJ says. "Let him go. We can tell him when he gets back on Monday."

"He'll be mad because he'll be the last to know," I tell her.

"He'll get over it," she replies.

"Will you be my best man," Sam asks.

"Of course," I reply.

~Josh's office~  
>~June 2003~<p>

"This is weird," Lauren says as she straightens my tie.

"What's weird," I ask.

"Me being here and not being on duty," she explains.

"You got to have fun some time," I smile.

"At least you have a job to do," she grumbles. "I get to sit and look pretty."

"If you want to take my spot as best man, I'll let you."

"I don't think Sam would be too thrilled with that," she replies.

"Speaking of Sam I better go see how he is doing," I tell her. "Come with me."

We walk over to Sam's office and before I can open the door I hear a noise from inside. Cautiously I crack the door open and peer inside.

"What are you doing," I laugh pushing the door open wider and walking in.

"I swear to G-d," Sam mutters. "Whoever invented cummerbunds is evil."

"I don't think you're supposed to wear it like that," Lauren says.

"I can't fix it," Sam says resignedly.

"We'll help you," I volunteer. "Just remember this for when I get married."

"You're getting married," Sam asks.

"Someday," I reply. "Someday."

~the reception~  
>~June 2003~<p>

I have never participated in a wedding as the best man before and I never want to again. Sure the bachelor party was fun and I'm sure this reception is going to be a blast as well but the ceremony itself sucked. Toby got the pleasure of giving CJ away as her brothers  
>couldn't attend, lucky him. Sam and CJ, decided to have an all-out Catholic wedding, which lasted three years. I swear to G-d. There was all this standing and sitting and then standing some more. When I get married it's going to be a simple ceremony in front of a justice of the peace. The ceremony will be ten, fifteen minutes tops.<p>

"Can I take this thing off," I ask pointing at my tie.

"I'm sure you can get away with it," Lauren responds. "Give it to me so you don't lose it. You'll need to put it back on for the pictures."

"Can't I just stand in the back," I ask.

She smiles and shakes her head as a voice speaks from behind me.

"What are you trying to get out of now Joshua," Donna asks.

I turn around and give her my best innocent look. "Nothing."

"Liar," she replies. "That innocent look doesn't work."

"How come your wedding didn't last for three years," I ask trying to distract her.

"It was a Jewish ceremony," she explains. "Don't you remember?"

"Vaguely," I reply.

"What happens at a Jewish ceremony," Lauren asks curiously.

"It varies depending on what type of Judaism you follow," Donna says. "Toby and I signed a marriage contract and exchanged rings. Then his rabbi said a few words, Toby stepped on a glass and we were married."

"You have a contract," Lauren smiles. "How does that work?"

"It's a traditional agreement that maps out what would take place in the event of divorce or his death," Donna explains. "It also explains our obligations to each other as husband and wife."

"Interesting," Lauren muses. "Are you Jewish?"

"I'm converting," Donna admits.

"You are," I say in astonishment. She nods. "Why? Don't you like being Protestant?"

"It's not a matter of liking or disliking, Joshua. Toby and I have talked about it and I've done some research and we've agreed to raise our children Jewish."

"That's quite a commitment," Lauren says.

"Yes it is," Donna agrees. "But it's worth it."

"It makes your husband happy," Lauren inquires.

"Yes it does," Donna says. "And speaking of him, I better go drag him out of whatever corner he's hiding in."

"It used to be you could find him at the bar," I say. "But he doesn't seem to spend a lot of time there anymore."

"I asked him to stop drinking so much," Donna admits.

"And he agreed," I say in shock.

She smiles and shrugs. "What can I say? He loves me."

"Yes he does," I say quietly.

"I'll see you guys later," Donna says before walking away.

I watch her walk away with a small smile on my lips.

"She's very nice," Lauren says in my ear.

"Yeah. She is," I agree dreamily.

"So," she begins. "I've heard some rumors."

"What kind of rumors," I ask interestedly.

"Well…why don't you just tell me about your relationship with Donna Ziegler," she smiles.

I swallow hard and look around the room for a distraction. Not seeing one handy I look back at her and smile innocently. "She's been my assistant for many years now."

"And?"

I run my hand through my hair and sigh loudly. Toby always says when in doubt tell the truth. "There was a time when I thought we would leave this administration as Josh and Donna Lyman. But apparently Toby had other plans."

"Any regrets," she asks.

"Sometimes," I answer honestly. "Sometimes, we'll be at some major function and the President will be at the podium enthralling the crowd. And I'll look around the room and there she is, standing there with a dreamy look on her face. And I'll think to myself, `damn. She is so beautiful.' Then she'll smile like she can read my thoughts and she'll start to blush. That's when I realize she is looking at someone and I'll look over my shoulder and see Toby standing there watching her. And there's this look on his face, this look…that is indescribable but it's like he's saying `she's mine.' And at that moment I realize that to them, they are the only people in the room. Hell, in the world. And nothing else matters except the two of them. It's also at that moment that I wonder if that could be me."

"It could be," Lauren tells me. "Just not with her."

I nod in agreement. "I know that. And I think I've accepted it."

"Most of the time," she smiles.

"Am I that transparent," I frown.

"Only to those who care about you," she smiles as she takes my arm. "Lets dance."

"Ok," I smile in return.


	3. Chapter 3

My Mother's Son part 3  
>By Sunny<br>Rating: PG13  
>Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just playing with them.<br>Spoilers: Probably none but lets say everything to be safe. WKODHTB  
>Pairings: JoshOFC, Toby/Donna, Sam/CJ, Leo/Margaret  
>Summary: The life of Josh, as told by Josh<p>

~2007~

I can't believe how quickly the days fell into one another. Time has flown by as many important events came and went. The annual birth of Ziegler children, wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and the upcoming election of a new President; which means an end of my tenure as Deputy Chief of Staff. Vice President Hoynes is once again the front-runner in the Democratic Party. He and I have spoken several times, whereby he has asked me to stay on his staff if he wins the election.

I gave it a lot of serious consideration but when a group of my father's old friends approached me and asked me to return to Connecticut; they were prepared to back me as a senatorial candidate, I knew I wasn't working in the White House any more. The decision wasn't too difficult and I have re-established my home in Connecticut in the house that I grew up in. It was at this point that I have realized that at least temporarily I will be apart from Lauren. I almost changed my mind but then I decided to take the biggest risk of my life.

The transformation from bachelor to married man was not as easy as I had hoped. Lauren and I stumbled our way through many awkward moments which were compounded by the fact that she was often gone protecting the Presidents youngest daughter, Zoey. This was to be another of those awkward moments but one that turned out for the best.

"Lauren," I say quietly as I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Yes dear," she says humoring me.

"I was wondering something," I stammer. This is not so great, I forgot to call Toby and ask him how to do this.

"What," she asks.

I turn her around in my arms so I can see her lovely face. "You know that I love you."

"I love you too," she replies.

"I've never loved anyone the way I love you," I tell her. "From the moment you walked into my life you changed me. Promise me you'll never walk out of my life. Marry me."

"Oh Josh," she says as she starts to cry. "Nothing will ever take me away from you. I'll marry you, if you'll marry me."

"I thought you'd never ask," I smile. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. This is the way it was meant to be and I didn't need Toby's help to do it. I pick her up in my arms and swing her around. I had always thought that politics would be the most satisfying thing in my life. Boy, was I wrong. It may have taken me almost forty years  
>to find the love of my life but hey, when you're Josh Lyman you have to do things right. And this was perfect.<p>

~The White House 2007~  
>~the main ballroom~<p>

"Congratulations," Sam says as he patted me on the back.

"Thank you," I smiled. "I sometimes thought that this day would never come."

"She's a beautiful woman," Sam says referring to my bride.

"Yes she is," I agree. "So is that little girl you're holding. She is so small."

Sam looks down at his daughter who is asleep in his arms. "She is very precious."

"Are you and CJ going to try to keep up with Toby and Donna," I asked.

"Are you kidding? They have a pretty good head start," Sam states. "What about you and Lauren? Any babies in the near future?"

I smile indulgently before dropping the bombshell. "Yeah. In about 6 or 7 months."

"Are you kidding," Sam smiles. "That's great! Have you told anyone else?"

I shake my head. "We just found out a couple of days ago. We're going to announce it this afternoon."

"Have you guys seen my wife," Toby asks nervously as he walks up to us.

"No. You lost her," I joke.

"She was wandering around muttering my name," Toby explains. "I think it's almost time."

"She can't have the baby today," I say firmly.

Toby raises his eyebrows at me. "Josh I don't think I have any say in this right now."

"Toby I just got married! She can't have the baby today," I protest. "Tomorrow would be ok."

"Josh! You don't make an appointment for these things," Toby points out.

"Toby," CJ yells loudly from across the room.

Toby looks at her for a second then turns to Sam and I.

"Sorry Josh," he says quietly. "I think the baby is coming today. I have to go take my wife to the hospital." And with that said he walks quickly across the room and out into the hall.

"How does he stay so calm," I ask with a frown.

"Lots of practice," Sam says. "The important thing to remember in these situations is that if you reach Dupont Circle, you've gone too far. "

"I know how to get to the hospital from here Sam," I tell him.

"I know now as well," Sam says. "Luckily for me that fire station was there so I didn't have to deliver the baby myself."

"There wouldn't have been any doubt if you had listened to CJ in the first place," I point out.

"I thought I knew where I was going," Sam defends. "I thought she was wrong because she was in so much pain. It can't be that painful for all women can it?"

"I think it is," I reply.

"Wow," Sam says in wonder. "I'm amazed they keep having babies."

"Me too," I agree.

George Washington University Hospital  
>~ 2008~<p>

I found out exactly how painful that was when Lauren gave birth to our first daughter, Jessica Marie Lyman. She was as beautiful as her mother and as stubborn as me.

"Breath, Lauren, breath."

"I am breathing damn you," she bit out. Another contraction ripples through her body and she squeezes my hand even tighter.

"Lauren," I squeak. "You're going to break my hand."

As the pain lessens, she loosens her grip and resumes her breathing exercises. "You'll be lucky if I don't break something else when all of this is over. This could be the only child you ever have."

"Hey it wasn't my idea to get pregnant," I defend.

"I didn't hear you objecting," she replies.

"Well it was fun," I smile. She grips my hand in another death hold and I grimace in pain. This has been going on for 23 hours and seems like it is never going to end.

"We have crowning," the doctor announces.

"Is that good or bad," I ask.

"That's good," he replies. "The baby is ready to come out. You want to see?"

I hesitate for a fraction of a second. It is one thing to see my wife "down there" under normal circumstances but this was anything but normal. I look at Lauren and can tell that she doesn't think I'll do it. She has this, go ahead and look, look on her face that is just  
>challenging me. Nervously, I move toward her feet and peer over the curtain. Just at that moment another contraction occurs and the baby begins moving out into the world. I know my eyes are big as saucers and all I can think of is, `I hope I'm a good Dad.'<p>

I stand there transfixed by the miracle in front of me and as she moves completely into the doctor's arms I look up at Lauren and grin, we are parents. The doctor places our daughter on Laurens stomach so we can get our first good look at her.

"You want to cut the cord," he asks. I look up to see him smiling at me.

"Ok."

One of the nurses hands me a pair of scissors as the doctor ties off the umbilical cord.

"Cut it right here," he says as he points to the cord. My hand is shaking slightly as I do as he tells me and cut the cord in half. One of the nurses picks up our brand new baby girl and takes her off to do whatever it is they do as I lean over to kiss my wife.

"Hi Mommy," I whisper.

She smiles. "Hi yourself, Daddy."

The nurse comes back and places our girl in my arms. She is so precious. I hold her close to me and not too tight, counting all of her little fingers and toes. I don't think I will ever get the smile off of my face.

Strutting into the waiting area I see that Sam and CJ and Toby and Donna are still there. They all appear to be asleep but as I get closer Toby opens his eyes and looks at me.

"Well," he asks. The others waken at the sound of his voice and I beam at them.

"It's a girl," I announce. "You guys can come down and see them both in a few minutes."

"Congratulations," Sam smiles as he gets up and shakes my hand. They all stand and I am enveloped in warm hugs and congratulations.

"What's her name," Donna asks.

"Jessica Marie," I tell her.

"That's a good name," Toby mumbles.

"Wait until you see her. She's beautiful."

"Oh good. She doesn't look like you," Toby teases.

"Behave yourself," Donna admonishes as she smacks his arm.

"I'm done behaving myself. I've been sitting on those damn plastic chairs for hours and my disposition hurts," he grumbles at her.

Everyone laughs at him then CJ gets in the act.

"Toby, you can behave yourself," she tells him. "Josh and Sam and I have all spent numerous hours in these same hard chairs waiting for the births of your five sons and none of us have every complained."

"It's not my fault you can't speak up for your self," he tells her.

"Come on Toby," I interject. "You can hold her first."

His face lights up and he actually smiles at me. I can see Donna is looking at him with a wistful look and I wonder what all of this means. I lead them down the hall to Laurens room and quietly peek in. Lauren is sitting up in the bed holding Jessica and talking to her.

"Are you ready," I ask.

She looks at me and smiles. "Bring them in."

We enter the room and everyone makes a beeline for the bed.

"Who wants to hold her first," Lauren asks.

"We all do," Donna says. "But Josh told Toby he could be first."

Lauren hands our daughter to Toby and I feel a twinge of protectiveness overcome me. I know that Toby knows what he is doing but I can't help myself.

He holds her close and talks to her, softly rubbing her little hand. Then he looks at Donna. "We have to have one of these."

"We have five of them," she reminds him.

"Not of this model," he pouts.

"Toby, we have five boys," she reminds him again. "What makes you think the next one would be a girl?"

"We can think happy thoughts and wish for one," he replies.

"We're not having another baby," she tells him sternly.

His face goes blank as he looks back at Jessica. He holds her for a few more minutes then hands her over to CJ and moves to stand next to the wall and stare at the floor. I look at Donna and see that she is watching him. I can understand her point about not wanting to have more children but I can also see that it is a rough subject between them.

Later, as they are leaving I corner Donna in the hallway. "Is everything ok between you and Toby," I ask.

"We're fine," she assures me. "Toby has always wanted a little girl. He loves the boys to death but ever since CJ and Sam had Christina, he has been bugging me about getting pregnant again."

"And you don't want to," I surmise.

"It's not that I don't want to," she sighs. "It's that I don't want to be raising kids alone. Toby is going to be 60 soon he's not going to be here forever. None of us are."

"That's true," I agree. "But if that's the only thing stopping you, it's a dumb reason."

"Josh. It may seem like a dumb reason to you as you and Lauren will be raising your kids together I don't want to raise my kids alone."

"You won't," I assure her. "If anything ever happens to Toby, I'll be there to help you. As will Sam and CJ and hell, probably your sons. You'll have lots of help."

"Thanks," she sniffles as she starts to cry. I pull her into my arms and hold her tight. I've never thought about raising my daughter alone, hell I never have to but for Donna it's something she worries about all of the time. To be honest I'm actually surprised that  
>nothing has happened to him yet. With his temper, the way he drinks and eats he is a major candidate for a heart attack. I pray that it never happens.<p>

~Washington DC~  
>~2011~<p>

The day is bright and warm. Lauren and I are packing the kids in the car and heading to Connecticut for a family vacation. Three year old, Jessica climbs into her seat as I secure the straps around her baby brother, Josh junior.

"Did you grab the bag out of the baby's room," Lauren asks as she walks up carrying our newest addition Kathryn Emily.

"I put it in front of your seat," I tell her.

"Strap her in too," she orders as she hands me the car seat. I smile to myself thinking that I made the right choice when I bought the minivan. "I forgot my purse. I'll be right back."

"Hurry up," I yell. "I want to hit the road."

As I am fastening the last strap I hear the thump of a stereo coming down the street. I look over my shoulder, there is a low rider car coming slowly up the street. A couple of teenage boys are walking in my direction and they are looking over their shoulders at the car as well. The car and the boys are even with each other just as they get to the front of our house.

Suddenly time slows to a crawl and I am propelled back to Roslyn as the occupants of the car and the boys on the street pull out guns and start shooting at each other. I can hear the shots echoing off the walls and the screams of people all around me but I can't move from  
>where I am. I stand there in the bright sunshine until the screams of my children invade my head.<p>

Turning quickly I check to see if they are all right as the car speeds off. The kids are ok but seem very shaken up and I look over to where Jessica is pointing. Lauren is lying on the front steps of our house. I scream her name as I begin to run to her and in the distance I can already hear the approaching sirens of police and ambulances. But in my heart, I know that it is already too late.

I remember many years ago when I was a small boy, overhearing my father talking to his friends. I remember because they happened to be talking about me. "He is his mother's son," my father said. At the time I was very upset, when he said this for I thought, `I'm your son too.' But as I stand here today I know the truth, I am my Mother's son.

Just like my mother, many years ago, I am burying the love of my life. It took me a long time to find her and I know I will never find another like her. I want so badly to jump into that hole and lay there beside her, never to be apart. But I now have three small children to raise. They need me and I need them. My friends are here surrounding me, holding me, comforting me and I know that I will never be truly alone. I also know that I will never be truly complete again as well.

"Josh," Donna says softly from my side. "We're taking the kids back to the house."

"Ok," I nod. "I'll be along shortly."

The tears are falling down my face and I really don't care if anyone sees me. I hear footsteps approach me then a hand settles on my shoulder.

"When you were a little boy you use to follow your father everywhere," Leo says quietly. "He got such a kick out of it."

"I always wanted to be just like him," I manage to say.

"In many ways you are."

We stand there silently for a moment as I wipe away a tear. "I heard him tell someone once that I was my Mothers son. At the time I was really hurt by that, now I guess it's true."

"What makes you think that," Leo asks.

"We've both been left behind by the ones we love," I explain.

Leo snorts and I look at him. "That's not what he meant."

"I don't think that's what he meant at the time but that's what is true now," I tell him.

"You want to know what he really meant," Leo asks. I nod not trusting my voice. "He meant that you possess all of the qualities that he loved in your Mother and that made him love you even more. Your father loved you with all of his heart. And so did your wife. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it will be easy it's not. But I know you and you are going to do the best job you can in raising your kids. They're great kids Josh. You're going to be fine."

"I miss her already," I say painfully.

"I know," he nods. "We need to go."

I look down at her grave one last time and whisper I love you. The workers are waiting nearby to fill in the hole; they've done this enough times to know when to wait. Slowly I turn and follow Leo to the car where Margaret is patiently waiting for us. We climb in and Margaret drives us out of the graveyard and off towards my house in Connecticut. Its warm out and the sun is shining brightly, I can feel it on my face as I silently weep in the backseat.

The End


End file.
